


What Donghae Knows, But Will Never Tell

by slashedsilver



Category: Super Junior
Genre: Denial, Fluff, Friendship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-10-04
Updated: 2009-10-04
Packaged: 2017-10-17 23:49:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/182662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slashedsilver/pseuds/slashedsilver
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Donghae leaves for China on Super Junior-M promotions. They deal. A study in distance and separation, and the friendship that conquers all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Donghae Knows, But Will Never Tell

**Author's Note:**

> This was written as a response to the Super Girl MV, and is hence now AU.

It's not that Donghae doesn't notice that Eunhyuk becomes that little bit quieter whenever he's about to leave for China with the rest of Super Junior M. He knows, and he's tried talking to Eunhyuk about it before, but Eunhyuk just laughs and waves it off, and drags Donghae to mess around the dance studio for a while, freestyling to a hip-hop track or reinventing H.O.T.'s old dance routines. Donghae knows it's Eunhyuk's way of dealing, and he knows that Eunhyuk is uncomfortable with words that must be drawn out from deep within him, despite the rap lyrics that he writes and sings a mile a minute. Eunhyuk has very little stomach for intimate words, yet he instinctively craves a level of resassurance from the important people around him. Donghae is one of them, he knows, and he feels damn privileged to be there. 

Donghae wonders if Eunhyuk knows about this part of himself -- that when he’s sleeping, or tired, or not completely aware of his actions and his surroundings, he would unconsciously reach out for these people, just to be sure that they're there. He would lean back on Shindong, sling an arm over Sungmin, curl around Donghae -- distractedly, absently, not quite focusing, but almost imperceptibly relaxing when he comes into contact with them. Donghae hopes that Eunhyuk will be able to find a suitable substitute for him among the seven members who are left. 

When the day comes for Donghae to leave, Eunhyuk doesn't send him off at the airport. "There's no need to," Eunhyuk explains carelessly, studying the rap lyrics in his hand. Donghae sees beyond the swagger, and can tell from the pinched look around Eunhyuk's eyes when he smiles and brushes Donghae off that it's Eunhyuk at his most vulnerable. 

It's the same awkward silence and uncertainty that follows when Eunhyuk realises he's revealed too much, and then doesn't quite know how to recover the situation. Like ever-so-often on national television, when he immediately chooses Donghae first, without hesitation, to be on his team, and then hesitantly follows it up with the paper-thin excuse that they were year-mates. Except that the ensuing split-second of knowing silence clues Eunhyuk in onto the fact that no one is particularly fooled by his excuse, especially not the other Super Junior members, who know that Eunhyuk would have chosen Donghae whether or not they were year-mates. The camera is kind enough to avoid capturing Eunhyuk's cheeks, which flush brilliantly in the aftermath, but Eunhyuk never quite learns how to artfully disguise his intentions. Like when Eunhyuk proudly introduces them as 'Eunhae' on their personal camera, because that's just how he feels about them -- until Donghae chokes and sniggers in the sudden shock; completely unintentionally, just amazed at Eunhyuk's straightforwardness. 

Donghae enters the check-in area with the rest of Super Junior M, and tries not to look back to see if Eunhyuk has changed his mind about sending him off. 

After Donghae leaves, Eunhyuk will throw himself into the song and dance routines for Super Junior Happy, just as Donghae throws himself into the dance rehearsals for Super Junior M, because Eunyhuk not being around means that Donghae will work even harder to dance for the both of them now, not just himself. 

There's one night where he misses Eunhyuk so much that he wears sunglasses for the shooting of their music video the next day, a homage to Eunhyuk's performance in  _Sorry Sorry_. In a group of thirteen, or even a group of seven, Donghae knows it could possibly be the greatest mistake to wear sunglasses; their greatest selling point is their faces, first and foremost, especially for attracting new, potential fans. In a group of thirteen, each member wants to stand out -- they attract fans to their group, definitely, but they also attract fans to themselves. Wearing sunglasses, or anything that blocks off the face, is not the best way to appeal to new fans -- only the old, loyal ones would take the trouble to identify him. Their manager tells him just as much, when he strides into the filming area with a pair of sunglasses firmly on his face. But Donghae doesn't care, and hopes that Eunhyuk would see the video and know he was thinking about him. 

He knows that Eunhyuk worries that he would find as good a friend in Henry as he does in Eunhyuk, and then who would be left for Eunhyuk? But though he begs Henry to teach him the violin, and is impressed by Henry’s patience and willingness to sit with him hour after hour until he masters exactly one song on the instrument (the one he plays on the Chinese talkshow to charm the crowd) -- he knows that no one can really replace Eunhyuk. And it's not because Eunhyuk is his dance buddy, or says absurdly hilarious things at times, or even that they're year-mates -- but simply because Eunhyuk is Eunhyuk, and that in itself is irreplaceable, even if Donghae knows that Eunhyuk doesn't quite believe that sometimes. But Donghae is willing to patiently reassure him of that fact, as many knocks on the head as is necessary for Eunhyuk to realise that they are  _forever_ , not just as long as they're in Super Junior together, or SM together. 

When Donghae gets back, Eunhyuk greets him as though he'd never been gone -- casually, unconcernedly, then turning back to continue his conversation with Shindong. For that one moment, Donghae is tempted to feel hurt at his reception. Just slightly, even though he knows what Eunhyuk really means. 

But then Eunhyuk stays up that much longer that night, just to accompany Donghae on his PlayStation, and concedes to playing a few rounds of Street Fighter with him -- Street Fighter, because some games never grow old, not in Donghae's book at least. That's when Donghae knows for sure that he's been missed, too, and he'll never say it outright to Eunhyuk, or confront him about it, but will content himself with hidden smiles and an extra pillow fight for Eunhyuk to reassure him that  _I'm here_. 

But he'll never say anything, because Eunhyuk will get mad and prickly and it would be another week before they get around to playing Street Fighter or messing around with the rest of the Super Junior members again. 

Donghae  _knows_  these things, and for now it's just best not to tell.


End file.
